(no subject)

[eggos]

Eleven likes the library. She likes learning, and she likes knowing and understanding things. She's not a stupid person. She learns 'remarkably quickly,' according to her teachers, which she thinks is a good thing, even if they always seem surprised when they say it. Right now, she has a stack of books about a variety of different topics, and she's sitting in a corner by herself, leafing through them. It's not homework. It's just... studying. For fun.

She's learning about cats, right now. She has one at home that she needs to take care of, and she wants to learn everything she can about them so she knows she's doing the best she can for him. The book she's reading keeps referencing another book, though. A different book, one not in her stack. She sighs and sets it aside, then stands and starts looking through the shelves for the right title.

There it is. She reaches for it, then frowns. It's just out of reach, not more than six inches. She glances around for a stool or a ladder, but there isn't one immediately in range. She waits a few seconds, to see if any library staff walks by. Nothing. She sighs.

Looking back up at the book she needs, Eleven frowns at it. She debates for a second or two on if she should even use her powers. A step onto the shelf would do the trick, probably. But she doesn't know if it'll support her weight. She's not large, but she's not a book, either. Finally, she reaches up for it again.

It flies into her outstretched hand and she grips it, then opens it right there and starts flipping through the pages, without even bothering to look around to see if anyone had noticed.

Comments

[eggos]

Eleven doesn't know what a Lyctor is, or what myriad means, but she knows what an emperor is, and her eyebrows go up a little.

"You worked for an emperor?" she asks, hoping she'd understood that. "Was he nice? School says they aren't always nice."

[undonewithout]

"He is the god who became man, the man who became God," she says, though she knows it's not an answer to El's question. "If he is kind, it is by his will alone. If he is cruel, it is a rebuke well-deserved. It cannot be...conventional questions of nice or mean don't enter into it. It's impossible."

Harrow thinks of the Emperor's kindly smile, the tea and the biscuits and the frayed collars of his shirts. The patience in his every dealing with her, even at her most disgraceful, and the tone of his voice when he'd said You'd make a hell of a daughter, Harrowhark. It sickens her as badly now as it had then, a lurch in her stomach that has her wishing for something sharp and brittle to cast herself onto. In the absence of nothing else, she digs her nails into her palm, lengthening them just enough to hurt.

"Yes," she says. "He was nicer than I deserved."

[eggos]

El doesn't think a man can become a god, any more than she believes a god can become a man. It sounds like Papa, like someone who makes themselves bigger than they are, to scare people into doing what they want. But she doesn't say that. Instead, she says, "Why do you think you didn't deserve it?"

[undonewithout]

That question slams the doors in Harrow's expression again, her thin, pointed face going rigid and cold. The truth claws inside her ribcage and tries to fight its way up her throat, and she shoves it down again, sinks it as fully as she can--just as she'd done her whole life. Just as she'd had to do, because she learned too well the consequences of indiscretion.

"I do not think," she says. "I know. And the reasons why are mine to hold."

[eggos]

"Oh," she says. She frowns, watching the girl with something like concern and something like sadness. It would be easy to leave it like this. It's probably what Harrow wants. For El to end the questions there, or turn them back to something easier.

She doesn't do that.

"Did you do something bad?"

[undonewithout]

El's pity is an insult, the stark clarity of it on her face only disgusting Harrow further--and when the question comes, it's the final, shattering blow to whatever fragile thing they'd been building between them. Harrow's fingers twitch, the skeleton arm still hanging off the bookshelf duplicating itself in an instant. It multiplies into a network of arms, a screen and shield to keep the younger girl back as Harrow turns and starts to flee.

[eggos]

Eleven doesn't understand why Harrow seems so angry. It's on her face, and then a moment later, barely a breath, she's leaving. She frowns, then calls, "I'm sorry," lifting her voice a little so she knows she's heard. She hadn't meant to upset her with her questions. She'd just wanted to know. The screen of arms might scare her, if she didn't know there was an exit to the row at the back. It is a little uncomfortable to look at, though, so she backs away from it, unsure if Harrow has even heard her or if she's going to turn back.

[undonewithout]

Harrow ignores the thin sound of El's voice, the apology too little and far too late, carrying a confusion she can't address. She doesn't stop until she reaches the front of the library, and even then it's just a moment's pause, a twitch of her fingers to crumble the bones into a dust that filters slowly down and onto the library floor. Once it's done, she pushes the door open, stepping back out into the harsh, bright light of the afternoon.