eggos | (no subject)

El has been a little out of sorts since her memories dropped into her mind. It’s hard, remembering so much, when so much of it is so sad and makes her so angry. Shopping with Max had been one of her favorite things in Hawkins, before everything had gone bad again. It won’t be the same without her here, but maybe she can pretend, for a little while. So she goes out now. She assures Hop and Beverly that she’ll be okay — she’s just going to get a few things for Dustin the Cat — and heads out to Darrow’s mall.

It isn’t like Starcourt at all, but it’s becoming familiar and comforting in its own right. She heads to a clothing store first, to get herself a new shirt. She pretends it doesn’t hurt to see a small photo studio between two shops, and frowns at a clothing rack, quiet and introspective.

She’s still browsing the clothes half an hour later, no closer to buying anything as she combs through her memories of shopping with one of her best friends, when she sees Chrissy. It feels sudden and impossible, but of course it isn’t either of those things. Chrissy would naturally be out at the mall, along with the hundreds of other people wandering through the corridors. Just as natural would be to see her in a clothing store for young women. But for some reason, it feels like a surprise to see her now.

There she is, smiling, expectant, open. Pretty. El’s always thought Chrissy is so pretty. But now, a new face flashes in front of her.

This one is not pretty.

This one is contorted into permanent terror. Her empty eye sockets drip blood like tears, and she is slack-jawed in the most literal and horrific sense of the word. For a heartstopping moment, Eleven sees Chrissy as she looked in the photograph that she didn’t remember the first time they met, and a sob wrenches from her throat.

“Chrissy,” she whimpers, and lunges for her, clutching her in a tight hug.

Does she know? Does she remember, too? Like everyone else from Hawkins, has she been three steps ahead of Eleven the entire time? Or is this going to be a nightmarish shock to her, just like it was to El? She isn’t sure how to ask. So she just holds her, and cries for this friend she’d never had the chance to save.

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She nods. "I remember when he came to Darrow," she says. "I did not know him in Hawkins. Even in the memories Darrow gave me." She hadn't known either of them — only seen Chrissy in that photograph, in that file — and she's glad she gets to know them now, where they are both safe. Where she can keep them safe.

"Chrissy, I will not let him do that again," she promises. She couldn't save Max, but it will be different, here. She's stronger, has more love in her than she had before. If Henry ever tries to come here the way others from Hawkins have, Eleven will stop him.

Chrissy doesn't know how that would work, how anyone could stop something so seemingly unstoppable. Right now, though, it's enough — almost too much — to know that if it did happen again, if he did come back like she so often has nightmares that he does, someone would even try to help her. Back in Hawkins, she always felt so, so alone, even when she was surrounded by people and smiling her practiced cheerleader's smile. It's been different here, since the first day she showed up with Eddie kneeling over her, but sometimes the weight of it still catches up to her.

"That's not your job," she says quietly. "But... thank you."

El doesn't insist that it is her job. She doesn't explain that she may not have made Henry the way he'd been born, but if she hadn't banished him to the Upside Down, even accidentally, he wouldn't have become Vecna. Eleven doesn't entirely understand how all of it works, but she knows that much. She's responsible for Vecna, if not for Henry — and she feels responsible for Henry, too. He'd manipulated her into removing Soteria, and that had allowed him to…

She swallows and nods when Chrissy thanks her.

“You're welcome,” she murmurs. “You are my friend. Friends look out for each other.” She smiles small, as encouraging as she can manage.

Chrissy blinks when she hears that, as if it's something that's never occurred to her before. The truth is, before Darrow, she doesn't think she ever had friends, not really. There were people she was friendly with, socialized with, surrounded herself with, but she never had much more than a surface connection with any of them. It's only while being in Darrow that that's changed. She has Eddie, yes, but others, too; it's sort of staggering when she lets herself think about it. And El is right. That is what friends do for each other. It's just a relatively new aspect of her life.

"Yeah," she agrees, her voice soft. "They do. Still. It's..." She takes a deep breath. "I think just that helps. Having people. I don't really feel here like I felt back there."